somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
