i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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