i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
