K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
