my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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