Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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