Non-Jews are for practice
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
