How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
