My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
