It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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