We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
