Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
