surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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