dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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