what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just gargled with NyQuil
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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