worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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