After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
