dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
