WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
