you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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