I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
