God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
