My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
