Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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