Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
