i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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