I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
