belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
