His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
This girl is more easily done than said...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
