I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
