When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
