How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
