hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
kristin has been a bad kristin
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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