But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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