I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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