He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I touched a dick in church today
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