playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
