let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
