you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
