My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
