Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
