he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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