My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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