bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I stole a fireplace last night.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
