I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
