my mouth tastes like poor choices
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
