Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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