I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
