he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
