And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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