The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
