She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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