I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
