I puked a lego.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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