My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize