My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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