He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
