I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
