Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
that's an acceptable place to lick
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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