I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
