I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize