Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
