i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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