Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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