Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Sorry my hands just texted you
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize